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i’m no good at this.
SEPTEMBER 6th, 2002
god, it’s past 6 a.m. and i’m not the least bit tired. i got up at eight the other day, and it was so nice feeling like a normal person again, but here i am back where i started. i suppose i’ll just have to do my best to force myself to get up before noon.
i’ve been writing the letter i promised to holly, and it is coming along nicely. it’s a story about math and art, and how you need them both to make really cool stuff. i also recently finished the mix cd i made for emma, and i’ll be sending a copy to holly as well. i hope they like it. it has a lot of music i really love, but they’ve never listened to—stuff like paula frazer, and the old 97’s, and matt suggs, and june of 44. it’s such a good mix, i can’t stop listening to it.
i decided to name it “the starlight begins”, after a lyric from the song “fight test”, off the flaming lips’ new album, which is also on the cd. the song, i mean, not the whole album. i think all my mix cds and tapes have been named like that. i think i started it because the pixies did the same thing for most of their albums, and i always thought it was kind of neat. it’s just fun to listen to the cd, and hear that lyric, and think, “oh! that’s where it came from.”
i’ve been so fucking stressed out lately. i’ve had all this freelance work piling up, and i want to just deal with that, but here i’ve got my folks on my back about bringing in a steady paycheck… i’m the sort of guy that works really well under pressure, but sometimes when there’s just so much, and i’m so behind on it already, i just shut down completely. i don’t get any of it done. i do dumb shit like spent a whole day reorganizing my mp3 collection.
not to mention, i could be getting so much done right now, but here i am lying in bed typing this in the hopes that i’ll eventually fall asleep at the keyboard, so i can get up at a reasonable hour, so i can get some shit job delivering pizzas, so i can make a lot less money than i would be if i was just working right now instead. don’t get me wrong—this is all my very own hole i’ve dug. haha, what’s that exploding dog cartoon… ah yes. this hole i’ve dug is mine forever. i can live with that. but i’d still like to get out of it nonetheless.
i did get a lot done today. and the whole weekend is ahead of me. if i really bust my ass i can sort this all out by monday. but it’d be a lot easier if i could get to sleep right now.
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